Clay Jar People

Sometimes when I look at you
I feel as though in a dream
As though the last four months
Have been imagined by my wayward mind

Your trusting blue gray eyes
Look at me
As though I’m something more
Your smiling lips
Always ready to talk
You smell so sweet
A milky baby scent
I wish you’d keep it always
The velvet fluff of your hair
In every direction
When you wake

As I look at your face
I see myself
I see my best parts
You’re all the good I have.
I see my love
The man who held you
To his chest
Warmly
When you’d been suddenly
Taken from your warm nest
That man who’ll be your guide
On how to be like Him
That man I love more
Every day I see you

Your small hands
Clutching mine
Your little feet
Kicking with delight
Soon those feet will run
Those hands will grow
Bigger than mine could ever grow

It scares me to lose my baby boy
Even though there is joy
In every season
Each smile and gurgle
Is one to cherish
Each step you take towards
Becoming a man
Is one I couldn’t bear to miss
One day when you’re all grown up
Don’t forget
You’ll always be my baby boy

But please
Please don’t grow up too soon…

I started a poetry blog late last year, it was first just a personal project, but now I think, what the heck. if you’re interested, check it out here. The name is taken from Sylvia Plath’s poem Tulips… I love her writing.

Be warned: these poems are pretty dark, they are an assortment of things I’ve written over the years, and still write… not in specific order. Please let me know what you think…

Image via cosmic

sometimes i want to run
without stopping
for no real reason
i just want to escape
like i can outrun the ghosts
i guess its not worth trying.
they follow me everywhere
even where i should be safe.
their accusations ring loud
in my head.
it feels like i can’t change
can’t make it stop.
losing grip, i reach out
as if in vain, grasping air.
no one reaches back.
how far do i have to go alone?

i know He’s there
but it feels like He’s far
like He’s watching me fall
when in reality He’s waiting

to catch me and bring me home.

i am on a cliff.
i am learning to find me,
the different versions of me.
trying to decide which are real,
and which are ghosts.
i push them over the edge
and watch them fall,
flailing down into a canyon
and disappear,
until i am left with
who i need to be…

Having gotten this idea from a friend of mine last year and did it on my old blog. Thought it might be cool to revise:

1. You always fall in love with the person you least expect.(that I still agree with…)
2. Sugar really is bad for you. (have learnt that anew this past year)
3. Money makes the world go round, but it doesn’t make you happy, because you’ll never have enough. (it does however make me feel a bit better when I can buy something nice ;) )
4. Its better to be happy in your job than to make tons of money. (not that I make tons of money, but I think it would be great to find a job where I am totally happy)
5. Some friends will always be there even when they get treated like rubbish, but others won’t, so rather don’t write your friends off for a guy/girl. (very true… I have seen so many relationships fall apart and that when you need your friends)
6. Everyone needs an outlet, we absorb so much stress, tension, pain, anger etc, that if we don’t have an outlet, it’ll eat us alive. A hobby of some sort is great, like writing, art or music.
7. Its better to watch funny, unrealistic movies than serious, realistic ones, because life is far too serious and realistic, so we some form of escapism.
8. You need one very good friend who can be there to listen to you when you need them.
9. You need to be a very good friend who’ll listen when needed.
10. Being married doesn’t solve problems, but it makes the problems easier to solve and easier to live with. (it also creates a whole realm of new problems, but as a team its possible to solve)
11. You’re never too old to learn…
12. Its amazing how the Lord uses people in your life to teach you things.

The Gipsy by *ValentinaKallias on deviantART

I am a new creation, no more in condemnation
Here in the grace of God I stand.
My heart is overflowing, my love just keeps on growing,
Here in the grace of God I stand.

And I will praise You Lord, yes I will praise You Lord,
And I will sing of all that You have done.
A joy that knows no limit, a lightness in my spirit,
Here in the grace of God I stand.

©1983 Kingsway’s Thankyou Music Words and Music by Dave Bilgrough

Things have been a bit challenging of late, and I have found myself forced to lean more and more on God’s strength, and relying on His grace to flow through me, as I forgive people. Its amazing what peace He gives you when you know you cannot do it alone, and you rely on Him to carry you. It truly is a peace that passes all human understanding. In myself, I should have been angry and resentful, and unforgiving. But I gave the situation to the Lord, and He gave me the grace to forgive. He reminded me that this matter that I needed to forgive was miniscule compared to what He forgave by sending His Son to die for me. Psalm 103:12 says “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”.

How great is our God, that He can make us new and help us to forgive and carry us through the times where we cannot carry ourselves.
How great is He that when we cannot find the words to pray because of the pain, He not only hears our hearts, but gives us the words to speak.
How great is He, that when our natures would speak hate, He speaks kindness and forgiveness.

I’m thinking about a friend
One who’s been there for me
Since I was a little child
He’s been there, my pillar of strength
My source of comfort
My teacher and friend

Even in the tough times
He was there to lend a hand
He picked me up when I fell
Held my hand when i was scared
My constant joy
My companion and guide

In the rain he was my shelter
In the dark he was my light
In the pain he was the comfort
He always helped me through
An angel to guard
A father to love

Daddy, I wanna say thanks
I love you for all the things
You sacrificed for me
I love you for being there
And listening when no one would
Daddy, you’re the star in my sky

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL DADS

* Chocolate croissants and coffee on a rainy day from Rosa’s Bakery in Shortmarket street.
* The vibe when you walk through the street, the different cultures.
* The flower sellers on Adderley street.
* The smell of the ocean in the middle of a bustling city.
* We have the best weather, summer and winter. (Chris’s input)
* The multitude of stunning beaches. (also my man’s idea)
* The variety of new and old buildings.
* Funky outfits that the artists/art students wear.
* The many languages you hear when you walk down the street.

Many more reasons… which may be added at some stage… in case any other Capetonians can think of some… let me know.

P.S. My cousin in Berlin added a post about Berlin on his blog.

An essay I wrote a few years back…

It’s a late summer afternoon; I’m walking on a stretch of pearly sand to my favourite place to spend some time alone with my thoughts. Straight ahead I can see the rugged shapes of giant boulders. While walking towards them, the silky soft sand massages my feet, while the breeze caresses my raven hair. I ascend up the rough side of the rock as the sun melts into the sea in a myriad of different colours. Its light dances on the transparent water like tiny nymphs, teasing you and inviting you to join them.

The glimmer of sun just peeks and is then slowly swallowed by the watery mass. The sky is a vast canvas of colour, as if an artist poured his whole palette on the blue backdrop. Then the colours fade and are replaced by a clear black sky, and slowly the stars appear one by one.

In the silver moonlight I see the dolphins playing like small children in the depths of the great ocean. Free from the pressures of the outside world, splashing away, laughing with no cares at all. Away from it all, I can have a taste of that freedom, standing on the rock secure and safe, not yet worrying about what tomorrow may hold, because I know that Someone else is already there.

The stars sparkle like a million tiny lights sown by the great Sower across the vast black velvet sky. I feel an intense peace come over me, it’s like my heart is on fire and I feel totally free. Here by the water, as if part of a masterpiece, I can sense the Artist. He’s holding me safe like a child in her Father’s arms.

Surrounded by His glory, love and power, I hear His voice in the gentle evening breeze, a quiet whisper of hope, urging me to go on. Telling me to see the beauty to look at what my Master has made…

I look again, this time I see with unveiled eyes, and He speaks to me through His creation. I see the stars like lights of hope, shining the way ahead in a dark, broken world. The serene waves washing away the footprints in the sand, like Someone washing away the past so that it can be forgotten, like a clean slate. The playful dolphins are the way the people should be, not caring what tomorrow may bring but living each day at a time, enjoying the freedom God’s given us and focusing our eyes on Him.
The immeasurable grains of sand, like the awesomeness of His love, so simple yet beyond human comprehension. The Rock is strong, steadfast, and secure; it never changes, it’s forever the same.

As I smile a peaceful smile, content in the knowledge that the Rock I stand on is eternal and that the storms of this world will wear at me, but I can always turn to Him and He will be my shelter.

Walking back I see the stars lined up like pebbles, showing me the way home…